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Home | Free Resources | How to Let Go of Control and Grab Hold of Your Faith Search 

How to Let Go of Control and Grab Hold of Your Faith
Karen Ehman
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Are you ever a control freak about how things are done around your house or in a work or church situation?

Someone is assigned a task. That someone is not you. However, you have a definite opinion on how the task should be performed. What happens if it is not performed in the manner in which you think it should be?

It might just turn you into a control freak. Often, if you voice your opinion to the person assigned the task, it can also cause friction and even damage relationships. But does this have to always be the case? Are there ways you can train yourself to choose your battles carefully when it comes to giving your unsolicited opinion on how others get things done?

  1. Nurture instead of hurt. The interaction between you and the other person can become a learning experience for both. It won't damage. It will nurture. And there will be no lost time, no regrets, and no need to call in the UN peacekeeping forces for intervention.

    Please know I am not at all polished when it comes to this process. I can describe it so well because I have had to make myself do it so often!
  2. Pause and ask yourself these questions. They will empower you to maintain calm emotions and keep a healthy perspective.
    • "Does it matter now?"
    • "Will it matter tomorrow?"
    • "Will it affect eternity?"
    • "Is God trying to teach ME something? If so, what?"
    • "Can I pause and praise instead of interrupt and instigate?"
    • "Is there really an issue here that needs addressing with my child?"
    • "Am I just being a control freak and need to let it go?"
  3. Two plus two equals four. My friend Rhonda told me about a method she uses in her mind when she is fretting and stewing because someone doesn't do things her way. She said, "I just tell myself this. Two plus two equals four. Three plus one equals four. Seven minus three equals four."

    All her Jethro Bodine-like cipherin' lost me. So I asked her to please explain. She clarified that she aims to remind herself often that there are many ways to get to the number four. Additionally (pun intended), there are many ways to accomplish tasks, no matter who does them or how they get done.

    Remember, two plus two equals four. Three plus one equals four. It all equals four. (NOTE: during heightened moments of frustration, to keep myself calm I'll rattle off in my brain even more ways to four: "Thirty-six divided by nine equals four. The square root of sixteen is four!")

    Your turn. How many ways can you get to four?

Let's purpose to stop being controlling and start controlling our thoughts and words instead. It will affect our relationships for good, especially our relationship with the Lord. Then, we won't be running the show. Instead, we'll be walking in faith.

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Question: Which of these three principles was most helpful to you?
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Our Expert

Karen Ehman is the Director of the Proverbs 31 Ministries speaker team and author of six books including LET. IT. GO. How to Stop Running the Show & Start Walking in Faith. She's been a guest on The 700 Club, Moody Midday Connection and Focus on the Family. She and her college sweetheart Todd are raising their three kids in the boondocks of central Michigan. Connect with her at www.karenehman.com

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